ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
