Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
