There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
