The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
