You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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