my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
