home. puking in laundry basket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
