OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
