You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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