and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
