I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
