This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
