i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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