Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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