It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
