She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
