Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
