I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
