He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
