Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
