Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
