Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
