Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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