Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
