I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
