he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
