I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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