the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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