So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I party with great urgency now.
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