i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
