he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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