When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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