i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
