goodnight i made you a song goodbye
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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