He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
