He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
