Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
