She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
