My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
