bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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