But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to cum in my sink.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
