reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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