Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
