I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
