Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Houston, we have a squirter
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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