you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
