The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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