Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
