I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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