I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
