Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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