The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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