I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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