even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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