I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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