i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm always down for nudity.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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