A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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