Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
