Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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