Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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