when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
