You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
