wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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