it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
