Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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