Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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