lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
