she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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